Swinging Etiquette
Contact Etiquette
As you are new to the swinging
scene, it has been suggested that perhaps some guidance on contact etiquette
would be useful.
Advertisers:
Please respond to all e-mails you
receive from respondents.
Most of them will have spent time
plucking up courage to write to you, and time thinking of the right thing to say
to get you to notice them.
It does not need to be a long
letter, a short note saying something along the lines of "Thank you for
your response, but you do not match what I am currently looking for, better
luck next time" will at least let the respondent know they have failed.
I know that I for one check my mail eagerly after I send every
response, hoping that someone has written back to me.
If you are an escort
advertising for business please advertise only in the escort section. If you are
an escort advertising for play friends please use a different e-mail
address from that used for your business. If I am made aware of people
being asked for payment when responding to ads outside the escort area
I will delete the ad.
Respondents:
Always be polite.
Tell the advertiser what you like
about their ad.
Tell them how you think you will
meet their requirements.
If you enclose a picture show your
face - most people like to see the person, rather than a piece
of genitalia. If they like the look of you, they will then ask
for another picture, a nude one if they want it. (some people do want
nude pictures from the start, but they will usually say so in their ad).
Keep the language clean, match
your response to the ad. Don't go straight in with a hardcore letter.
If you are turned down by an
advertiser, don't keep contacting them - you are not going to make any friends
by being a nuisance or abusive. Just move on to the next advertiser.
I am sure that I have
missed many points, and that people will help me update this over the next few
weeks.
General Swinging
Etiquette
All of us want to be successful as
swingers. It doesn't matter how often, with whom, where, or in what style we
swing. If you employ the following suggestions or adapt them to your own
situation, you should become a welcome participant.
1. BE COURTEOUS
Be aware that this is a lifestyle
full of insecurities, uncertainties and fears. Courteously is how we all want to
be treated - with kindness, thoughtfulness, understanding and sensitivity. In
essence, courtesy is our treating people the way we ourselves want to be
treated.
2. BE FRIENDLY
Whether or not you are personally
interested in swinging with someone, be polite. You never know, you may share
many other interests or you may meet that person again, and they may introduce
you to someone with whom you ARE compatible and do wish to share time.
3. RESPOND TO ALL INVITATIONS
RSVP means please reply to the
invitation. It does NOT mean reply only if you plan to attend. The most
frustrating part of hosting, be it a party, a group or another couple, is people
who are discourteous enough not to respond, PERIOD. Good etiquette and good
social courtesy DEMAND you respond, by either calling or writing to say yes OR
no.
4. NEVER ARRIVE EMPTY HANDED
When you go to someone's home for a
party, ask if there is something you can bring. (it's amazing how many supplies,
other than food are used up at an average party.) If you are not going as a
couple, a house - gift is appropriate (and not necessarily wine.) This is not
necessary when attending a party where an entrance fee is charged. If the party
is a BYOB (Bring your Own Bottle) take a bottle of what you will be drinking, it
is extreme rudeness to take along a bottle of wine, then proceed to drink
someone else's bottle of scotch.
5. GO PREPARED
Take whatever you personally are
going to need with you. Carry a small overnight bag for lingerie or robe,
hairbrush, comb, toothbrush, cologne, intimate cleansing articles, condoms,
etc.. If you plan to stay over, sleeping bags or blankets and pillows are
necessities.
6. CLEANLINESS
Nothing turns a person off faster
and more effectively than an unclean body or un-fresh breath. Even if you shower
and perfume yourself before you leave home, it is always a good idea to freshen
up again when you arrive at your destination. It is amazing what time to drive
somewhere, stop for a bite, or whatever, can do or rather UNDO.
7. RESPECT OTHERS FEELINGS
Beware, not everyone is comfortable
in all situations, Keep your eyes open for signs that your partner, as well as
others, is relaxed and enjoying themselves. If someone is not comfortable, try
helping them over the rough spots. Remember, you were a beginner once yourself.
If it is obvious that things are not working out, remain polite and courteous;
but alert the host. Keep in mind that not all people feel the same about things.
8. DON'T BE PUSHY
If you are interested in swinging
with someone, let them know in an inviting way; if they are interested, they
will respond positively. If they are not and say "No, thank you," do
not ask WHY. No amount of sweet talk or coercion on your part will change their
mind and will probably work against you. Everyone has the right to say
"NO" at all times, to anyone, without explanation. Do not ever forget
that.
9. ONLY DO WHAT IS FUN FOR YOU
Do not allow yourself to become
sexually involved with anybody that you are not interested in. There is no
reason to involve yourself in a scene that you are not comfortable with. You are
in the lifestyle to enjoy yourself, so only do what you want, when you want and
with whom you want.
10. HOW AND WHY TO SAY NO
One of the basic etiquette's in
swinging is the right of anyone to say "No". Experience has taught
most people that everybody is not right for everybody else. Improper handling of
a situation, can however lead to a lot of hurt or very bad feelings. The swing
world accepts the premise that everyone has the right to say "No" to
anyone at anytime and it should be done with a simple "No thank you".
Never give an explanation, because that is what usually causes the problems and
the pain.
11. ALCOHOL OR DRUGS
Most of us do not use drugs,
although some of us drink socially. At times, a few drinks are nice to help you
"relax". Over indulging may hamper your physical abilities, as well as
offend or turn other people off to you. If you have to over indulge in order to
participate in swinging, you are involved in the wrong lifestyle.
12. PRACTICE SAFER SEX
It is up to us to protect ourselves
as well as our partners. With the present concern over sexually transmitted
diseases such as syphilis, gonorrhea, aids, yeast infection, etc.., the use of
condoms should not offend anybody. Anyone not willing to take this precaution is
acting selfishly and irresponsibly. You are not being accused of being unclean,
but simply someone wishes to provide you both with protection.
13. CALL TO SAY THANKS
Most people only use the telephone
if they are going to go somewhere. Lost seems to the social ambience of a 'Thank
You Note' or phone call to someone whose hospitality you enjoyed. It means a lot
to most people, and they will surely remember you when planning their next
event. Don't you like to be thanked?
14. BE GOOD HOSTS
When you have people coming to your
home, try to anticipate their needs: put clean sheets on the beds; keep plenty
of clean washcloths and towels available. Show your guests through the house so
that they will know where the bathrooms, kitchen, and other rooms are located.
15. ANSWERING ADS
All replies to an ad should be
answered in two weeks even if it is a No. Remember not all people you write to
are interested in you or your partners sexual heroics. A first letter should
include a brief description of yourselves, where you saw the ad, your ad number
and your social and sexual interests. An SAE should be included with your
original reply as many couples receive a large number of replies which can be
costly to reply to.
16. ENJOY YOURSELF
Most important, have a good time,
act out your fantasies, explore your own sexuality and enjoy everything this
lifestyle has to offer with enthusiasm, laughter and a positive attitude.
Party Etiquette
1. RELAX and GET ACQUAINTED
When at an on-premise club or swing
house party, you are there to have the best of times and to share the
uninhibited enjoyment associated with those who have discovered a new dimension
in their lifestyles. Once you have become familiar with the surroundings and
staff members or host/hostess, try to become as at ease as you would be at any
other social gathering. Don't hesitate to introduce yourselves to other people.
You'll find them eager to welcome you and to help you blend into their circle of
sincere camaraderie.
2. SOME TIPS ON ETIQUETTE
While you are advised to be
congenial and outgoing, don't be "pushy". Many couples who are new to
"swinging" often have unrealistic expectations and are not prepared to
handle rejections that may sometimes occur. Freshly showered, perfumed, and
neatly dressed people make more contacts. Don't let your personal physical
idiosyncrasies stop you from having a good time. No one is perfect [although it
is common for new "swingers" to see others as more attractive or more
verbal as themselves]. Don't let your own mind be your worst enemy. Be prepared
to handle rejection but don't take it personally.
It is important to remember that
PERSONAL CHOICE is the right of every individual and to 'respect that right' is
only common courtesy. Learn how to accept "no thank you" graciously.
Your approach -- which should be the same as it would be at any social setting
-- is a key factor to your acceptance as a desirable partner/friend.
There are several variations to
"swinging" and it is important that you and your mate decide, in
advance, those which you like and dislike. Some couples prefer to be alone,
while others prefer to be with other couples. Establish your own ground rules,
but please decide on them BEFORE you start "swinging".
3. JOIN THE CONVERSATION
Some people will probably
"break the ice" by introducing themselves, along with other couples
they know. It's their way of making you feel at home. Feel free to join their
conversation and you'll find that most of them will be happy to answer any
questions you may have about the "swinging" lifestyle. Be open and
honest. Tell them that you are new to "swinging" and you'll discover
how helpful people can be.
4. START OFF ON THE RIGHT FOOT
On your first venture into the
swinging scene, you may feel somewhat uneasy about seeing your partner / soul
mate with someone else. Some "swingers" want to share swinging with
their mate and feel uneasy having their mate leave to another room with someone.
Everyone has their own reasons for their feelings and all feelings are real and
should be respected. To avoid embarrassment or disillusionment, discuss your
inhibitions with your mate beforehand. Both of you may be more comfortable after
talking to other couples and learning how they handled their first
"swinging" session.
|